Monday, April 30, 2012

The Voice: Some Thoughts

I used to be an Idol tragic. I never pretended that I wasn't. But I now have a much, much bigger problem. I have an addiction to The Voice, and it's only moderately related to the fact that I have had a crush on Joel Madden for approximately ever. If I do this in anything other than point form, I'm going to end up rambling, so here are some brief thoughts on the April 30th episode.

*I have really missed Joel's ridiculously coloured hair. Not the terrible black top and white bottom. That was hideous. The purple and blue. Like back before Good Charlotte actually got radio play during the day. It's amazing.

*I don't understand how it is that Benji seems to be aging so much faster than Joel. They're identical twins. I mean, I get that lifestyle factors come into aging, but this is just ridiculous. Joel looks like, 5 years younger than Benji. This could. of course, explain why I've always thought Joel was hotter than Benji.

*Speaking of aging, Darren Hayes looks old and tired. This makes me very, very sad. It's almost as bad as the fact that the Wiggles are starting to look old, which, quite frankly, is earth shatteringly horrific and saddening.

*I don't understand why Seal's mentor is Ricki Lee. Yes, the girl can sing. But you know who sings better than her? Seal. You know who has far more experience in the industry than her? Seal. How does Seal even know who Ricki Lee is? I can't help wondering what is going on in the back end of that show that lead to Seal potentially taking advice from Ricki Lee.

*The opening song both perplexed and amazed me. When did Keith Urban start sounding like Bono? And when did Delta Goodrem get that gorgeous low range, and why does she not use it more often?

*Why in crap's name is Dawn French doing Coles ads? No, this is not strictly related to the voice, but they're playing the ads every 3 seconds, and it's perplexing me.

*Joel's wardrobe on this show must be single handedly be supporting the clothing stud industry. So very, very many studs on every single outfit.

* I need one of those judges chairs. I shall sit on it, plotting evil plots and stroking Handschuhe, and people will come into the room, and I will turn around and be all "I've been expecting you..." And people will be like, "Dude, just cause you have an awesome automated spinny chair, it doesn't make you an evil mastermind." And I will be all "Yeah, but I also have an animal on my lap to stroke, and everyone knows that people sitting in big spinny chairs, stroking animals on their lap are evil masterminds. SO STOP TRYING TO RUIN MY FUN, OR I WILL END YOU!" And then I will laugh evily, and there will be thunder and lightning. And then I'll probably do a Count von Count impression on account of the laughter causing thunder and lightning and ruin the illusion of evil that I just built up.

*Keith appears to have freakishly large feet. Either that, or he really needs to pick different shoes.

*Watching guitarists try to sing without their guitars is hilarious. I already knew this, but the pair singing the Fray song are particularly bad.

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