In the last 5 minutes, I've lost 20 friends on Facebook

Except lost isn't really the right word, cause I know EXACTLY where they are. Deleted from my friends list. See, a year ago today, at some point between 11 and 11:45 am (don't remember what time exactly), I finished my chemistry exam (and left early, hence not knowing what time I finished), got the principal to sign my leaving checklist, and signed out of school forever. For the last 12 months, I have been waiting for this day to come. This is the day that I felt I could justify saying "With the exception of the mandatory message when Facebook reminds you it's my birthday (if that), you haven't communicated with me since we left school, and since I don't actually like you much (or at all), so I'm deleting you from my friends list. You have more than 200 friends, so clearly, you're a friend whore, and given that we might have spoken about 10 times during the last year of school, I'm guessing I'm just a number on your friends list, and you probably won't even notice I'm gone." without seeming rude/potentially starting a whole bunch of high school dramas that I just don't want to go through because HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER.
Yes, I disliked people I went to school with that much. Yes, I took great glee in deleting them from my friends list. Yes, I am blogging about this because I am rather excited, and had to share. Yes, I am just that bitchy. No, I don't really care. I would have tweeted, because really, I totally could have sufficiently covered this in 140 characters instead of however many this post is, but some of the girls I deleted from Facebook follow me, and given what I prolific tweeter I am/how few people they follow, they probably would have noticed if I removed them, and probably would have checked to see if they'd been unfriended if I tweeted without unfollowing them. And we all know that when they noticed, it would probably lead to aformentioned dramas (seriously, never send your daughter to an all girls school, even if she claims she wants to go. After a few years, she won't any more, especially if she starts in high school).

In conclusion: I'm happy, a whole lot of girls are probably goingg to get rather pissed in the near future, all girls schools are the work of Satan, and I ramble a lot. Thanks you. *Bows*

Google Analytics, part whatever it is I'm up to now/the US healthcare system is fucked up

Yes, I know, you're probably struggling to see the connection. There is one though. I was checking my analytics to see how many readers I actually have in the US at the moment, after hearing about the mess that is the healthcare system over there. Answer: 3. 2 in Southern California, and one in Kansas. Incidentally, I'm REALLY interested to know how people outside Australia (and who aren't Beth reading my blog while she's overseas) are stumbling across this blog. If you're reading this, could you take a second to comment and tell me how you found the blog/why you're actually bothering to read it.

Just as an aside before I start ranting about the US healthcare system, a few bits and pieces on analytics. First of all, who googled my name? That has genuinely never been a hit before, and I'm kind of curious as to why it happened.
Secondly, who googles this: "how can i find leonard cohen doing a kind of comedy routine on youtube heard it the other day but couldn`t find it again"? That is a search engine fail, people.
And finally, shoutouts to my readers in Russia, France, Spain, the UK (Beth, I'm gonna be so sad when you come home, and I'm not getting heaps of hits in the UK anymore. It makes me feel so special), and the US. Australian readers, as per usual, hi, but you're not really that interesting.

So anyway, back to the matter at hand. I've known for quite a while that the US healthcare system is a bit messed up. I've watched enough TV with "Canada is like the US, only with better healthcare" jokes, and enough Scrubs, to know that there are some gaping holes in the system. I've also known for quite some time that Australia's system isn't too bad, as far as healthcare systems go. But I didn't realise how much better the Australian system is than the American system, or just how fucked up the American system actually is. I knew Obama wanted to fix it, and was getting opposition, but I didn't realise how unbelievably stupid some of the people opposing it had to be. Then several people I follow on Twitter drew my attention to this. For thos of you who aren't going to bother reading the link, the general gist is one of the crew on the Blink 182 tour ended up in hospital with appendicitis, and, because she had a "pre-existing condition" that meant she couldn't get health insurance, had to pay $42,850 US (That's nearly $47,000 in Australian currency) for the tests they ran, and the appendectomy that followed.
Let's imagine Australia has this system. A first year teacher's wage in Australia is $50,000. If, first year out of uni, I had to get my appendix out, I would just barely be able to cover it. Except, oh, wait, they don't pay your your yearly wage upfront. Bugger. I do believe that lands me with a debt. "But Ceiridwen, you don't HAVE a pre-existing medical condition", I hear you say. Except I do. I have asthma, which is apparently grounds for refusal of health insurance. It's more likely I'd just have to pay a huge premium, but I could actually be refused insurance all together. Other "pre-existing" conditions include diabetes and heart disease. Also, if I got health insurance while I was in perfect health, and was later diagnosed with cancer, my premiums could go up, or they could just take my insurance away. Oh, and if I'm lucky enough to live in one of 9 US states, I could also be refused medical insurance if I'm a survivor of domestic violence, because that's a pre-existing condition. No, I'm not joking. Why would it occur to me to make a joke like that? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
I'm also lead to believe that US hospitals are within their rights to refuse to treat you without health insurance. Of course, I'm lead to believe this by Scrubs, so I'm not 100% sure it's actually true, but I imagine there's some degree of fact behind it. Anyway, it TOTALLY makes sense, since people who have pre-existing conditions aren't ever likely to need to go to hospital. Never heard of an asthmatic or diabetic being rushed to hospital, needing treatment. That just doesn't happen.

The real point to all this ramble is this - how can people in the US being saying that Obama is wasting his time trying to fix that mess? How can they believe that there is nothing wrong with the system the way it is? The people who are most likely to need the system are the ones getting totally screwed over by it. It's not even like people can say that you won't be affected if you're rich, because no amount of money is going to get you health insurance if you're an asthmatic, diabetic, domestic violence survivor with cancer and heart disease (yeah, extreme, I know, but I BET there's one or two out there somewhere). There's something really depressing about the fact that there are people THAT stupid in the world, who are presumably breeding.

I'm not sure who needs to get out more - me, or Mark Hoppus

I say this because at 1 minute 44 of this video, Mark does something I have always, always aspired to, and have never, ever been able to do, even when I actually tried. And I tried really hard for like, 6 months when I was about 5. I'm not sure what's sadder - the fact that I want to be able to do it and am annoyed that I can't, or that he actually can.



Yes, that's right, I have always, always aspired to be able to say the alphabet backwards, and I can't. I have trouble with alphabetical order going FORWARDS. Seriously. We used to have to line up alphabetically to go into exams at school, and I was the girl standing there, muttering the alphabet under my breath to work out where I should be, because people kept coming to the school, and leaving the school, and I was sometimes next to one person, and sometimes next to another, and that wasn't even in elective classes, that was just English (although, in my defence, I started at M, because it would have just been STUPID to start at A when my last name starts with R).

Oh, and I've just worked out who needs to get out more - that would be the 19 year old girl blogging about the fact that she can't decide who needs to get out more.

Hey, media? You fail at life. Just saying. (Oh, and warning: this post may contain traces of hypocrisy)

Yes, you heard me. The media fails at life. Why? Because for about a week after Michael Jackson died, I couldn't turn on the radio or TV, or open a newspaper, or use the freaking internet without hearing about it. Because when Patrick Swayze died, the same thing happened for several days. I have had the radio on for the news about 3 times today, and am yet to hear anything about something much more important. I have spent a large portion of the day on the internet, and have seen very, very little about it. What would this ever so important thing that no one is reporting be? One of the guys from Boyzone died. Yes, I know, you're all laughing. I am FULLY aware that I'm a sad little puppy, but dammit, I think he deserves more recognition than he's getting.
Look, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not actually sure which one Stephen Gately IS, because I was more of a Westlife girl (and FWIW, Backstreet Boys > N*Sync), and the only member of Boyzone whose face I can put a name to is Ronan Keating, but it's still sad. And I still don't see why the media don't really appear to care that much. Michael Jackson dies, the world goes into shock. Stephen Gately dies, people who were young enough to be unashamed fans of boybands in the 90s go into shock, and no one else knows. Realistically, I'm not seeing a huge difference. Yes, Michael Jackson was hugely influential and famous and all that, but it's not like Boyzone were an obscure group who no one outside their hometown had heard of. Let's weight it up.
Michael Jackson sang. Stephen Gately sang.
Michael Jackson danced. Stephen Gately danced.
Michael Jackson released a lot of rather mediocore middle-of-the-road pop songs. Boyzone/Stephen Gately released a lot of rather mediocore middle-of-the-road pop songs.
Michael Jackson was an incredibly messed up person, who was suspected of doing some rather dubious stuff. The most controversial thing Stephen Gately did was be gay.
Michael Jackson was middle aged when he died. Stephen Gately was young when he died.
Michael Jackson had a rather strange American accent. Stephen Gately had an Irish accent.
How are they not worthy of the same amount of media coverage? I'm not suggesting Stephen Gately gets the weeks of coverage Michael Jackson got - I don't think ANYONE deserves that much media coverage for doing something as normal as dying (look, everyone does it eventually. It's not really unusual or anything), even under the weird ass circumstances surrounding Michael Jackson's death. Media coverage of deaths should be limited to 1 day at death, and then 1 day anytime a major revelation about the death is discovered (unless you are are the media in a non-English speaking country, reporting the death of someone from an English speaking country. In this case, repeat everything hundreds of times so tourists can understand, because they get frustrated when Heath Ledger dies and the only news they can easily access is in German, and they only understand half of what's being said the first time they hear it) - and I don't mean "The coroner reports it's suspected there was foul play" should get a day of coverage. I mean "It's been confirmed by the coroner that the cause of death was strangulation by the victim's own hair". THAT is a major revelation. Hell, even "The coroner has confirmed the cause of death was overdose on panadol" would classify as something deserving of a day of coverage.
I realise that there is about zero chance of this happening, but I felt that this really needed to be put out there.

For those of you who are completely at a loss as to who the hell Boyzone are, here's your answer:

Too much free time and a dog with an interesting name is a BAD combination.

Or maybe that's only the case in my family, but it's definitely become somewhat of a problem here.
It all started when my brother, who was still declaring that he didn't want anything to do with a dog, and was not at all interested in our brand new puppy (have I mentioned that the background on his phone is a picture of the dog all snuggled up in my arms? Yeah, it is), was bored the night we got her. I'd gone to bed, so I missed all the fun, but apparently, he was playing around with his guitar, and started singing a Phoebe Buffay type song about Handschuhe, who makes shoes for your hands (for those of you who don't speak German, Handschuhe is pronounced Hund-schoo-eh. Your average English speaker is more likely to say Hand-shoe-uh, or Hand-shoe-er, which is where the making shoes for hands thing came from). That somehow started a much loved by the entire family game of "trying to insert the dogs names into the lyrics of songs". 3 months into this game, we have managed to get some variation on her name (and sometimes some sort of other lyric change) into the following songs:
Bicycle Race - Queen
"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike...BIcyle, BIcyle" becomes "I want to pat my Handschuhe, I want to pat my dog, I want to pat my Handschuhe...HANDschuhe, HANDschuhe"

Who Are You - The Who
"Whoooo are you? Who, who! Who, who!" becomes "Haaaaaaand-schuh-aaaaaah-aaaaah [creative licence allows me to mispronounce the dogs name if need be], Handschuh! Handschuh!"

The Cuckoo Song
The cuckoo part (as in the sweet, low cuckoo that the bird makes) becomes "Handschuh, Handschuhe, Handschu-u-ah, Handschuhe"
If you don't know what song I'm talking about, you'll have to follow this link and pretend that the words are in English, cause the French version is the only one I can find audio of online.

Sloop John B - The Beach Boys
"We come on the Sloop John B, my grandfather and me" becomes "We come on the sloop John B, my Handschuhe and me"

Lollipop - The Chordettes
Look, this one really doesn't take a genius. Lollipop and Handschuhe have the same number of syllables. Do I really need to explain it?

Big Spender
"The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of distinction, a real big spender" becomes "The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a dog of distinction, my pup Handschuhe"

Candyman - Christina Aguilera
So basically, any instance of candyman is substituted with Handschuhe. This also works with the Aqua song of the same name, which also mentions lollipops, and is therefore a double whammy.

Hallelujah - Look, Jeff Buckley did it at some point, and it was pretty good. But quite frankly, I prefer the version in Shrek. I also think that Leonard Cohen did a better job writing it than singing it.
Hallelujah becomes Ha-andschuhe It makes about zero sense, but let's be honest, the original lyrics are hardly going to win prizes for their sense making ability (although, they'd probably beat me for said prizes)

The Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah
Strangely enough, I think this was actually mum, without knowing that I'd discovered I could fit the dog's name into Hallelujah. But she only got as far as Hanschuhe/Hallelujah. I then discovered you could go even further. Basically, you get Handschuhe, over and over again, followed by "For Handschuhe omnipotent reigneth" and "Pup of pups, and dog of dogs"

Duke Of Earl - Gene Chandler
This one's pretty self explanitory, too - "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Earl, Earl" etc becomes "Hand-, Hand-, Hand-, Handschuhe-e-e-e"

That's as far as we've gotten so far. I'm sure it will get much, much further, though. Prizes for creative suggestions from commenters (don't get too excited, I'll probably just find way to substitute your name into a song)

***EDIT*** And, in a new development, the dog's name has now been substituted into My Sharona - "Oh my little pretty one, my pretty one, when you gonna give me the time Sharona?" has become "Oh my little pretty one, my stinky one, when you gonna give me the time, Handschuhe." Snaps for Daddy.

Great. I can now never listen to another song in D Major again.

Of course, I don't like songs is D major that much to start with, since D major is a horrible, icky key which I can't sing along with.
One of my friends posted this on Facebook. It cracked me up, having heard many, many cellists rant about this exact same thing. I feel your pain, cellists, I do. I've sung alto. Cellos are the altos of the string world. Or altos are the cellos of the vocal world. Whatever. I feel your pain. That's why I laughed so hard.


Oh, and he missed a song at the end...

Yes, I'm that sad. I'd actually noticed this before. And I'd noticed some of the other songs he mentioned. I always thought I was lame, but if someone managed to make a comedy routine out of it, obviously, I'm actually awesome. And even if I'm lame, at least I'm not paranoid that a song is stalking me, and am therefore not the most paranoid person in the world (yeah, I know, it was news to me, too).

And this is why I love my mum

So yesterday, my brother bought dad a $450 kayak as a Christmas present. Mum and I are now contemplating what we want for Christmas from our oh-so-generous-and-rich son/brother. I'm not having trouble coming up with a list of expensive shit I want, I'm just having trouble deciding which of the things on said list I want (I could go to Soundwave. Or Big Day Out. Or see Green Day when they're out in December. Or Rob Thomas whenever it is that he's out. Or Avenue Q. Or Wicked. Or I could get the pretty, shiny, purple phone that I so desperately want, and so can't justify spending $200 on while my current one is still functioning), but mum is. Or was, until she went to the gym today, and watched infomercials while she was riding the exercise bike. My mum, who will be 55 in December, watched the 20 or so minute infomercial for the 10th or so time today, and has decided that what she really, truly wants for Christmas is a convection oven, as endorsed by Mr T. My mum is awesome.

Listen! Is it a chainsaw? Is it a male koala in mating season? No, it's the puppy snoring

And for a little dog (ok, so she probably weighs about 15kg...but shhh), she can make one hell of a noise. But I think the important thing here is the vastly amusing twanging quality of the exhaling part of the snoring. Yes, I videoed 30 seconds of the dog snoring, just because I thought that she sound she was making was incredibly funny. I know, I have to get out more.

Things The Almighty Handschuhe is scared of: chimes/glockenspiels, small dogs with loud barks, my uncle, and now, the wheel barrow

The other day, the dog managed to drag an old doormat out of the pile of grass clipping dad had put it in to compost. It was her favourite toy while she was home alone for about 6 hours the other day, and she shredded it up and spread it all over the yard. Dad picked up all the bits and put them in the wheel barrow before he mowed the lawn yesterday. When we came out later, the wheel barrow was on its side. When dad threw one of her toys, and it landed near the wheelbarrow, and she wouldn't go and pick it up, she just circled for a while. We're assuming that she tried to climb in to the wheelbarrow to get the mat out, and had it fall over and scare her, so she now won't go near it.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, video of the dog playing fetch, and sooking when her toy lands on the wheel barrow. Scuse the dodgy camera work, I was filming with one hand, and chucking a toy with the other.

If I could extended my 5 celebrities I could sleep with list by a few people, Adam Hills would be on it.

2:44. This sort of thing is why I learn German. Most people just don't get it.
But also, just before that - how the hell do you sign with a French accent?